Faerie Big Crisis
by Molpadia
Summary: Draco Malfoy is a bloody Faerie! Woot Woot! Cursed by what he thought was a freind, Draco encounters a horrific problem. Desperate for help, Draco goes to the only person who has a "saveing people thing" in hopes to recover.But how exactly DOES he recover
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Dude if owned these people and this world. OMG! I wouldn't be writing this stuff now would I. I would be bathing in a huge bath the size of a school and with lots of bubbles and girls! So obviously not mine its J.K. Rowlings. I'm just romanticizing it a little tinsey bit. I mean, ...ah never mind your reading this so you know what I mean!

Warning: Creature Fiction, since this story is only in the making and currently has no sure plot in my head I will warn you that there may be M-preg somewhere along the lines. Also that this is MALE ON MALE. In-case y'all are dumb and don't understand what that means. It means that if you don't enjoy reading about romance between two dudes and or girls then you should avoid reading this then, cause I don't do things by halves. Oh and it's a DM/HP and Pansy/Luna fic. So expect both kinds. Mostly focused on Draco and Harry though.

Summary: How in the world could this possibly happen! A bad curse infuses with Draco's magic and he is now permanently a faerie. And Harry Potter has unknown creature blood all over the place. What will happen when they discover that they both have mates? And its each other! DM/HP, PP/LL. Creature Fic. Possible M-preg.

Chapter One: The Banshee Conspiracy

The Slytherin common room is definitely the perfect place for students with restless minds. Sitting in front of the common room fire, in his favorite chair, Draco Malfoy was thinking this exactly. It was his first day back at Hogwarts and Draco was already filled with dread for the year to come.

His father did not want him to take the Dark Mark, telling Draco that he would be hidden away before that could happen. Unfortunately the Dark Lord figured as much and paid him a visit.

FLASH BACK

Appearing out of nowhere Tom made his way into the bed room of the youngest Malfoy. Walking up to the side of the bed, he leaned over the sleeping figure and stared.

This was what poor, poor Draco awoke to that morning. Two bright red eyes and the most hideous face he had ever seen caused his scream to die in the back of his throat. While he laid paralyzed at the laughing face of Voldemort.

"Ar-are you going to kill me?" Draco stammered after the Dark Lord was done laughing and scaring Draco out of his mind. He was surprised that he hadn't pissed his bed yet.

Stepping back the Dark Lord considered the half way naked body before him. Realizing that the Dark Lord was checking him out, his blood saw it fit to rush up into his face and make him appear to be blushing. When in fact he was not.

"My, my, Draco. You are just as gorgeous as your father was at your age." Tom said, considering the beautiful specimen before him.

Shuddering at the thought that the disgusting thing before him actually considering him gorgeous. Draco pulled the sheets up over his chest.

Getting agitated with his question being ignored he decided to ask again but not so politely this time.

"Excuse me but is there something you wanted? Or can I get back to my beauty sleep?" He hissed out between gritted teeth.

Voldemort chuckled at the youth before him. "As a matter of fact, yes. I want to convince you to take the Dark Mark and join me in ruling the world and ridding it of all those tainted creatures." He said with a smug look on his face.

Astonished that the Lord of Evil was being completely serious he decided to be frank but not actually promise anything.

"My father thinks that it is a bad idea, what would I have to gain by going against his wishes, only to risk being disowned from the family?" He said all the while blinking innocently at the man before him.

"Why, you would be as powerful as I am. You would be invincible, and possibly if you wish I can place you by my side." Snake Face, that's what Draco had just decided to call him, looked him over again but this time with lust in his eyes.

_'Ewww that's gross I wish he would stop doing that! As if I would ever consider sleeping with him. He's not even cute!'_ He thought while making a mental disgusted face.

"I will give you till the end of this year to decide, please reconsider Draco. It would be in your best interests I assure you." Tom said, winking at the disturbed youth , and he promptly disappeared from the room. _'Are you kidding me.?! He doesn't even know how to flirt properly, why would I side with him?'_ He continued in his head.

FLASH BACK ENDED

A high pitched "Drakles!" brought him out of his daze most unpleasantly. Cringing as the thing that the voice was connected to, latched itself onto his being, leeching off of his last nerves, Draco responded.

"Pansy, might I ask why you are hanging off of my shoulders?" Draco said with annoyance in his voice.

"Aww, Drackle's you know you don't meeeeean that. Why are you being such a grump?" Pansy continued while doing what she considered a cute pout, but Draco considered made her look like a fish. An extremely ugly fish.

Reaching his last nerve Draco grasped her hands and removed them from his neck. Harshly shoving them away from him, he also shoved her off of his arm rest.

"I don't feel like talking right now, go away." After some consideration he added "please."

_'What? Why is he being so mean to me. I know he wants to be with me. I mean after all I am the most beautiful girl in Slytherin.'_ She pouted mentally. Then a strange epiphany came to her. _'Ohhhh, I know what it is! He thinks that he can't have me, and he's too shy at ask me out. Aww, Well I will just have to fix that.'_

"Hey Drackles?" She said slowly, trying hard not to ruin his good mood.

Draco slowly turned his head to face the pug that was practically drooling on his shoe.

"Yes, Pansy?" He said, grinding his teeth together and mentally cursing his mother for even considering her as a potential wife. That would just be┘gross. He thought while a shudder racked his body.

"Drackles, will you go out with me?" Pansy said in her girliest voice.

Draco was floored. To say that he was shocked would be an understatement. This girl honestly thought that he would want to go out with her. Sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose he contemplated the responses he could give. On one hand he could just say yes and completely blow her off. Well that might work, maybe if he pissed her off enough she would leave him bloody well alone or he could out right tell the truth. How does that saying go again? Oh yeah, _'The truth hurts.'_ He decided for the second option.

"Pansy I would never go out with you." He spoke harshly, without making eye contact, no matter how much he wanted to see the look on her face.

"Wha, what did you say?" Said a completely confused Pansy.

"I said, I would never go out with you, you disgust me, and you annoy me. Not only that you don't even fit my tastes." Draco said after he decided it would be much more worth his time if he looked at her. When he did he saw a red faced and practically steaming girl.

Pansy stood up and backed away a couple of steps. "Why not!?" She practically screamed at him. With spittle being spat in his direction he decided that he had enough.

"Because , Pansy dearest, I'm gay. In-case you don't understand what that means I will tell you. It means that I prefer the hard chest of a man than that of a disgustingly plushy woman. It also means that I would much rather grab an absolutely tight ass rather than a disgustingly feminine one. It means that I fuck men and not women. NOW WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE BLOODY WELL ALONE?!" He started off talking as coldly as possible then he just got more upset as he went along and ended up screaming at her. Which caused the dead silence that now claimed the common room. Everyone of the snakes were staring at him. Most of the girls were blushing, and the boys were a cross between shocked and turned on.

Pansy whipped out her wand. Something Draco was not prepared for and before he could pull out his wand and cast a shield spell, Pansy cast first. As she lashed her wand at him she shrieked.

"Icheeeeeeeeeekkkk!"

oOo

All the way on the opposite side of the castle in the Gryffindor towers a screech echo's around the common room and one Ronald Weasely jumps up and squeals like a girl. Saying something about Banshee's invading the castle and how it's a conspiracy set by the ministry, he promptly passes out.

oOo

She didn't even need to speak the words because she was so mad that raw magic just built up inside of the wand and hit Draco hard in the chest. Draco fell back onto the couch he had stood up from while yelling at Pansy. Angry that someone had even DARED to curse him, a Malfoy no less, he sent out the most evil curse he knew. This caused Pansy to turn into an adorable little lap dog.

Irritated, and still angry, Draco yells at the people staring at him.

"What the bloody hell are you all looking at?!" He exclaimed while glaring at them so hard as if they would turn to stone right before his eyes.

Draco finally stormed off to his prefect room and slammed the door shut. Making his way over to his bed, Draco was suddenly hit with a burst of pain erupting from his back. Falling to the floor and landing on all fours, he crawled over to his full length mirror to figure out what was wrong.

As he looked he nearly fainted. He couldn't believe his eyes┘Protruding from his back were two arm length wings. They looked like they were part insect and part bird. The upper wing was shaped like a leaf with the tip curling upwards at the end. The tip of it was colored in a deep forest green, while the rest of it was a sheer pink. The green part was covered with feathers where as the pink was just covered with a fine powder and completely see through. ( see picture on ) The bottom part of the wing was much the same except there were only two thin long feathers coming out of his back, just as green as the top part.

Scared out of his mind, Draco ran from the room. As he did so he unconsciously put up an shield of invisibility allowing him to run down the stairs and strait out the common room door with out anyone knowing any better.

Running down the hallway he made his way to the only person he knew he could confide in┘and that was his Godfather, Severus Snape. Finally reaching his destination he banged on the door until it opened and he shoved his way past the startled professor into the living quarters. Panting and out of breath he leaned over a chair to catch his breath. When he did, he turned around to a wand pointed at his face.

Blanching, he dropped the shield and stared at his Godfather. When he saw that his god father was lowering his wand he started to remember why exactly he was in Snape's quarters.

" God father! PansygotmadatmeandcastacursebeforeIcouldpulloutmywandandthenIcursedherbackbutnowlookatmeIhavewings! What is wrong with me Sev?" Draco spoke as fast as he could never taking a breath and when he was finished he looked at his father with pleading eyes.

Severus was never one to feel sorry for anyone, he is a double agent after all, but when he finally realized what Draco said he was beginning to pity his poor godson.

"Draco, If you expect me to understand what you just said, your intellegence in my eyes, just went down by 50%. Now if you want to try reapeating that again, hurry up, my time is precious." Severus snarked.

"Well, I was sitting in my chair, you know how much I love that chair, when Pansy came over and was drooling all over me. Naturally I got agitated and decided to dismiss her from my presence. That's where it all went wrong. She kept talking to me but you won't believe what she said Sev!" Draco continued confusion and distress clearly written across the young Malfoy's face.

"She asked me to go out with her! As if I would ever consider that, so I told her so. She couldn't handle the rejection so she sent a curse at me but I thought it was faulty so I cast a curse at her. But when I went into my room I felt a sharp pain in my back and now look at me. I have bloody wings for Salazar's sake!" Draco was starting to hyperventilate and poor Severus had no idea how to handle children with a tendency to have over dramatic panic attacks.

As his Godson tried to calm himself Severus decided that he needed a drink and after some arguing with his conscience he poured a glass of fire whiskey for Draco as well.

He handed the glass to Draco and took a long sip of his drink watching as Draco knocked his back in one go. This was a clear sign to his Godfather that the boy was overly distressed about the whole thing.

"Draco, turn around and let me do a scan of your magic levels so we can find out what spell she cast at you." Severus said while gesturing with the hand that didn't have a glass of alcohol in it.

Draco turned around and waited for his Godfather to finish the spell. While waiting he continued to chant in his head _'This is not happening, over and over again.'_

When Severus was done Draco turned back to look at his Godfathers face to gauge his reaction. When he looked the face before him revealed nothing but his eyes showed amusement. Draco began to worry about this, because anything that amused his Godfather was not something that would amuse anyone else.

"Well, it looks as if you had a magical reaction to the curse she cast. The good part is that you won't die. The bad part is that the curse has completely fused with your magic and cannot be removed." Severus said while trying really hard not to laugh at his Godsons panic stricken face.

"Oh and according to what I read you are a lot stronger than you were before, but that is because the infusion of the curse with your magic has turned you into a full faerie. Congratulations! Draco." Staring in shock as he listened to the description of his condition, he watched as his Godfather, whom he was starting to hate at the moment, raised his glass to him and took a sip.

_'What does he mean I'm a faerie? I mean I thought you had to be born as one in order to be one. Oh, no my hair! Will it ruin my hair?! What will everyone think about their Prince having wings, what will father think!? I'm dead. I'm a complete goner. Oh, my Merlin and the four Founders! I'm a bloody Faerie!'_

Severus was watching his Godsons face with amusement. Really this Godfather business can be really entertaining at times. That was when he saw Draco's eyes roll into the back of his head and fall to the floor in a dead faint.

Sighing, he picked Draco up and took him back to the Slytherin dungeons and placed him in the prefect chambers. As Severus began to walk away he decided that this year was going to be interesting. That is if that Potter brat doesn't ruin all his fun again.

Scowling he walked back to his own quarters to get some sleep before he had to teach whiney first years the next morning.

"Blasted imps." He mumbled, making his way back to his own quarters.

oOo

The sun was shining, and a lump on the bed was currently cursing the light that was shining through is closed eye lids. The lump stretched and yawned, then got up to get ready for the day. Walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth and take a shower he closed the door.

A few minutes later a high pitched scream came from said bathroom and a very unhappy Draco Malfoy stormed out. As he did so he remembered the events of the day before.

Grabbing his head with his hands and curling up in a fetal position on the floor in front of his full length mirror. He began to talk to himself.

"Okay, its okay. I mean you're a Malfoy for Salazar's sake! You need to hold your head high as if you meant to have a girl curse you. As if you wanted to be turned into a faerie for the rest of your life. I need to fix this! But how? None of the Slytherin's would help me, they would use this to black mail me!."

A knock on the door and the voice of his best friend brought him out of his ramblings.

"Draco, I'm coming in." Blaise said as he opened the door.

"Nooo! Wait!"

But it was too late Blaise had already come in and shut the door behind him. His best friend turned around and gasped.

"Draco┘ Is that you?" Blaise said while keeping his voice just a above a whisper. Afraid that anything higher would make the beautiful creature before him disappear.

Some how that's not what Draco thought when he saw his friend gape at him. What he was thinking was more along the lines of

_'Oh no! I'm ugly now. How can I be the Prince of Slytherin with wings? That just doesn't make sense. Well I could be called Prince Occamy of Slytherin, but for some reason that does seem to fit right.'_

Draco curled up into a ball again and started to cry. Blaise seeing his friend crying and having no clue why, looks around frantically for any reason as to how to deal with an overly emotional boy.

"Don't look at me, I'm ugly." A barely audible voice came from the sniffling form on the floor.

Blaise hearing this looks at his friend with awe.

"Draco mate, what the hell are you talking about! Your god damn gorgeous! Your wings look beautiful." He exclaimed while staring at his best mate with a look on his face that clearly said how sincere he was being.

The poor faerie on the floor looked up at his friend through tear filled eyes.

"Do you really think so? What if everyone sees me and laughs? I mean I'm a Malfoy. Malfoy's don't aren't supposed to have faerie wings."

"Yes I really think so, and I also think that your being a Hufflepuff because Malfoy's handle any situation as if they meant it to happen. So why don't you get up off your bum and come to breakfast with me?" Blaise said in a calm but demanding voice. He was never one to tolerate people sitting around feeling sorry for themselves, well unless it was Draco. Then he would make an exception. Because Draco was just cute when he was upset.

"Alright, alright no need to be a prat about it. I'm coming." He said with an air of someone who wasn't just moping around on the floor crying about having wings.

Blaise chuckled as he waited for his friend to get ready.

oOo

Walking through the common room was not as difficult of a task as Draco thought it would be. Most of the people were looking at him with envy and the other half were looking at him like they would like to jump him. Smirking to himself as he walking down the Sytherin hallway towards the great hall, he couldn't wait to see the look on Scar Heads face when he saw his wings.

Not that he would ever admit to the fact that he was looking for Potter's approval for anything. He just wanted to prove to him that he was a worthy friend.

_'Its too late now, he rejected my offer and after all these years of fighting he would never consider me a friend. There is no way we could ever be close together. Wait, why does my stomach feel tingly. Oh, please! Merlin no more changes! Please!'_

As he and Blaise made their way up the last case of stairs leading to the Great Hall he began to feel a strange sensation in his stomach and his finger tips. Soon right before they walked through the double doors the sensation spread all over. And Draco disappeared from the view of everyone around him.

To be Continued...

My first fiction so if you don't like it deal with it. Or leave comment about what you don't like, just don't bitch to me okay cause that's not gonna change what you don't like, its just going to upset me. Pouts* Anyways please tell me what y'all think?.


	2. Chapter 2

Voldemort was laughing at him. Of course as The-Boy-Who-Lived this should not have disturbed him very much. Then again this isn't the same Voldemort that has tried to kill him time and time again.

"So Mister Potter, what do you think of my new Evil look?" Tom asked.

Harry looked at his parents murderer, and the symbol for evil all over the wizarding world and could not help the shiver of repulsion that went down his spine. Voldemort was wearing a neon pink dress and heels. But thats not the worst part, Harry thought.

*The worst part is that I think hes flirting with me.*

Harry decided to go with it, at least for now. After all this could be some elaborate trick to catch him off gaurd so Voldilocks could kill him.

"I dunno...I'm not sure the color really suits your charismatic personality." Harry said all the while trying very hard to keep a strait face.

* I deserve a medal for this, or maybe an obliviate.*

While Harry was contimplating which reward would best benifit him the Lord of all Evil did the impossible. He giggled. Not only that but he giggled and fluttered his lashes at Harry as if they could make him blow away if they moved fast enough.

Harry, was not scared out of his bloody mind. He really wasn't. No, Harry was actually trembling in fear from head to toe, and so much so that his socks were shaking in terror as well. It was so bad that his untamed hair fell flat against his head, wimpering like a kicked puppy. So as you can see, the Savior of the Wizarding World is not scared he is merely contimplating ways to commit suicide in least painful way possible.

Surly this had to be a nightmare. Maybe Tom was planning to scare him into a heart attack.

*Well that would certainly do it.* Thought a very disturbed Harry Potter.

"Lets quit with the game Tom." Harry said trying hard not to resort to his Slytherin side and run away. "What do you really want?"

Voldilocks stopped giggling and did something that would make the world stop turning. His face twiched and Harry's eyes widened to a size that Luna would be so proud of.

* He's...He's not...No!....Hes going to kill me now...He's about to cast the killing curse. I knew this was a trap. This can't be happening now. I have a life to live! Hearts to break, my virginity to loose, boys to kiss!...I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE*  
Harry's voiced echoed in panic through his mind.

Harry braced him self for a jet of green light and pain but instead, Evil Incarnate, smiled.

Harry flinched in fear.

*There's no place like home, theres no place like home, damn you Dorthy and your stupid but completely fabulous ruby slippers that are actually high heels!*

"Oh Harry, my name isn't Tom when I'm dressed like this. Please call me by my stage name...Tomantha. I thought it obvious as to what I was trying to do." The most evil and scary person in pink on the planet responded.

Harry paused before asking. "What would that be...Tomantha...?"

"Why, trying seduce you to the dark side silly." Tomantha said in a high pitched voice.

oOo

Harry woke up in a puddle of sweat.

"Oh, Merlin that has got to be the worst dream I have had yet." He said out loud to the sleeping dorm room.

Unfortunately Ron was actually awake and heard him.

"You alright there Harry? You look like you just saw someone die...You didn't did you?" Ron said while shoving his secret emergency dirty magazine under his pillow. Hermione would kill him if she discovered he had it.

When his question was hit with silence Ron looked back over to the bed. Harry was huddled up to the bed post wrapped in his blanket, rocking back and forth muttering.

Ron went over to his best mates bed and touched Harry's shoulder. Harry, startled out of his trance, fell off the bed while yelling.

"No Tomantha don't kill me with the pink boa! Please don't kill me with the pink boa!"

Ron and everyone else in the room at that point, stared at Harry in shock. Their Golden boy had been tramatized, what else were the supposed to do? The're Griffindors, when faced with a situation like this they tend to freeze up and then say something really clever. Of course this is when Ron said the most intellegent thing a Griffindor of his caliber could say.

"Harry, are you hungery?" Ron asked in a gentle voice.

The room went silent. It was like someone flipped the sound switch to "off." Of course at this point Harry had been cured. Only Griffindor's knew who to cure their own. It was sort of like a family secret thing.

When the room continued in silence and Harry realized that Ron was not jokeing and expected an answer.

"Sure Ron, I think I might be hungery." He replied after deciding that he wasn't really hungery after that dream, in fact he was pretty sure he had lost his appetite for about week. Still he figured that it was best to keep Ron's mouth full so he didn't tell anyone about what happened.

Sound found its way back into the boy's dorm where it should always be for reasons that everyone who understands the male anatomy should realize.

"Well, come on Harry food awaits us." Ron said as if nothing ever happened.

* Maybe Dobby has been drugging his food...Now that I think about it, Ron was going on about banshee's last night. Nah, Dobby wouldn't do that.*

oOo

Deep down under the great hall the house elves were bustling about, preparing the food for that mornings breakfast. One lone elf wasn't working with the rest, instead they were standing over the plate of one Ronald Weasley. With a snap of fingers the plate was drugged.

"Dobby will makes sures that Mister Ronald will not stop nice Miss Granger's S.P.E.W. How other will Dobby get his pretty socks, and hats?"

oOo

As they were sitting down at the Griffindor table. A commotion was happening around the entrance. Not that Harry cared. They were just a bunch of Slytherins after all. But then something caught his eye. He turned to see but as soon as he did. It was already gone.

Harry shrugged and decided to ignore the crowd of Slytherins and the sound of Ron slurping up his Pancakes, and continued to eat his breakfast. Well, that was untill he felt someone breath his name into his ear.

oOo

For all of you who have just started to read my story. I bow to you and give great thanks. Ahem* translation: Thanks dudes! Please stay tuned, because if you don't then you won't know about the part where Draco.....ah nevermind you have to read the next chapter to find out. :)

Huggles to Aslen because she was the first person to wread my story, and I'm just weird like that.

And I would like to let my readers know that I am now working on another story at the same time. This one will be more serious, the title is unknown as of present. But me and my surragate sister Sakura-Neko are writing it.

Faerie Big Crisis Ch. 2 by ~HatrasLover Voldemort was laughing at him. Of course as The-Boy-Who-Lived this should not have disturbed him very much. Then again this isn't the same Voldemort that has tried to kill him time and time again. "So Mister Potter, what do you think of my new Evil look?" Tom asked. Harry looked at his parents murderer, and the symbol for evil all over the wizarding world and could not help the shiver of repulsion that went down his spine. Voldemort was wearing a neon pink dress and heels. But thats not the worst part, Harry thought. *The worst part is that I think hes flirting with me.* Harry decided to g Drag and Drop to Collect 


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3 Trick turned treat

Draco's POV

(Excerpt from The Dictionary of Draco: Injury- a crime against Draco's person that is punishable by social death. Crimes considered injuries listed below.

You have just accidently had a strand of Draco's blonde hair land on your clothing.

You have accused Draco of being nice and or cute.

You have spread rumors that Draco is anything less than perfect.

You have cast a curse on him that prevents Draco from looking at his reflection.

You have breathed the same air as Draco.

You exist on the same planet as Draco.

You have broken one of Draco's nails.

You have accidentally gotten a strand of YOUR hair on Draco's clothing.

Your are from any other house besides Slytherin

You did not kneel and say "Your Majesty" when approaching Draco.

You ignore Draco in any way

You say that Harry Potter is hot. (Only Draco is allowed to say that in the confines of his bedroom at night, with silencing and locking charms on his door.)

Draco had been injured and he was not happy. When he realized that he became invisible and that people were talking about him all around, he got upset. They were ignoring him. This is obviously against the several laws of Dracology. Losing his patience with his obviously jealous and incompetent peers, Draco decides to have some fun…

(Another Excerpt from The Dictionary of Draco: Fun- an activity that consists of taunting the red haired thing, pissing off Granger, and or messing with Potters' head and temper, which Draco's inner voice feels the need to remind him that this is actually called flirting. )

As Draco ignored the existence of other unimportant people on this planet, he began to search for a familiar striking of red hair.

'_You know now that I think about it if I'm invisible no one can really appreciate my gorgeous ruggedly handsome and divine looks. This is not good for my reputation. How can I keep up appearances when I don't actually appear?"_

Approaching the enemies' territory, Draco started to creep slower and also, being nosy, he listened in.

Ron was attempting to eat his fork through his pancakes when Hermione spoke up.

"What do you suppose the commotion is about?" She asked, but in fact this was a really clever scheme to distract her friends so that they wouldn't notice her eyeing a certain headmaster.

"Mump uh, oomph arrghs" Ron replied politely, employing all of his knowledge about table etiquette into that single sentence.

"What was that Ron?" Hermione asked without removing her eyes from the handsome, but wrinkly and old, hot headmaster.

Seeing Ron just shaking his head at Hermione, Harry decided to voice his opinion on the matter. "I think that Malfoy has broken a nail or something. See look, all the Slytherins are spread out and looking around. Probably searching for Malfoy's lost nail." Harry chuckled lightly at the thought of himself trying to find Draco's lost nail as well.

_Whoa! Wait a minute there Harry! Did you just call Malfoy, the pretty in pink boy, by his FIRST NAME! Oh my Merlin, what is this world coming to. First Voldilocks _tries_ to kill me with pink, and now I'm calling my worst enemy that I have dreams about almost every night by his first name. What the bloody hell is this planet coming to? Next thing I know Hagrid is going to come up to me and pronounce his undying love._

oOo

At that very moment there was a commotion at the head table. The bulky Keeper of Keys stood up placed one hand on his heart and the other spread out towards our poor Harry's direction.

"Harry I have loved you since the first time you got bitten by the blast ended screwet in second year. Please love, come and let us join as one flesh in my cabin….I even put out incense." Hagrid exclaimed but no one noticed except a very upset Fawkes who happens to have a crush on the half giant.

oOo

During Harry's subconscious rant, Draco was blushing like mad. Of course as the writer of this story it is my obligation to remind you that Malfoy's do not blush. So I assure you that the tinge of pink covering Draco's ears and cheeks is merely a trick of the light to make it look like he is blushing because like I said before, Malfoy's do not blush.

He had no idea why it bothered him that Harry was talking about him. After all people always talk about him for reasons that everyone should know because it's in the Hogwarts rule book.

(Excerpt from "Hogwarts Rules and Requirements Vol. 16" - Rule # 1378- Gossiper's must talk about Malfoy's, but not in the case of it being dirty laundry, not that Malfoy's have dirty laundry they are very clean people after all. Other cases in which you should not talk of a Malfoy include, people they have slept with, or just something about a Malfoy that they do not wish others to know and for your safety you better hope they don't find out you do.)

Draco was about to go on with his plan but at that very moment something strange happened and Hermione's hair caught on fire.

_What the hell! _ Thought Draco as the other two of the Golden Trio just looked on as if this happened every day.

_Why do I get the impression that this __**IS**__ a common occurrence with them? Why am I not surprised? Oh yeah, that's right, their Griffindors. Strange and awkward things always happen around them. They must be used to it by now. _

Draco was fine with this because being invisible would allow him to survive the humiliation that would have occurred if the fire actually decided it liked him more and wanted to play. Well that was until he heard the fire speak out from the Brunette's bushy hair.

The fire coughed a couple of times, cleared its throat and began to speak its wisdom. "Um…Hello? Is this the School of Hogwarts?"

"Yes" all three said in unison. Well, except for Ron who just ended up making a gagging noise towards the fire thing.

"Oh, good. Hi I'm God! I would shake your hand but seeing as I am just a fire burning in a bush I can't." God in the burning, well not a really a bush, Hermione's hair said.

Harry spoke up. "So who is the message for and, that is not a bush that is my best friends hair your burning on so if you could please hurry up and give us the message so she doesn't decide to hex us for no reason."

"Oh deary me!" God exclaimed. "I had no idea, I'm so sorry girly. The message is for Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. Are they present?"

"Umm" Harry elaborated. "I'm Harry Potter but I don't think Draco Malfoy is available at the moment. It seems he has broken a nail or something important and time consuming like that. So why don't you just give the message to me and I will tell him."

Draco moved to stand behind Potter hoping that the thing that claims to be God will notice his presence.

_Well isn't Potter so sweet! Wait a minute…WHAT DID I JUST THINK?"_

_*You just thought that potter was sweet* _Draco's conscience enlightened him.

He decided to pretend that the thought of Potter being sweet never crossed his mind in the first place and instead listened closely to the message that God had to give him.

"That will be fine. Now Harry. I want you to know that it's okay to be a virgin and that no you will not stay that way for the rest of your life, I'm mean not cruel." God said in a motherly tone.

Harry blushed brightly at this. Both of his friends and a very intrigued but invisible Draco were staring at him.

_Virgin huh? Well isn't that…some valuable information that I can use. Well not really but it's still pretty hot. Wait damn it you bloody mind, stop thinking nicely about Potter. We do NOT think he is hotter than the sun. Nor do we think it would be cool to fuck him till he screams our name. Oh shit! I'm doomed._

"Is there anything else?" Harry asked quickly trying hard to cover up his embarrassment.

"Yes this one is for Draco only. Draco, I do see you. Also I am very sorry about the wings and the becoming a faerie thing. Fate got pissed at me and decided to mess around a bit to get revenge. But I apologized to her, so now she fixed it. So all will be fine in the end."

Draco just looked dumbstruck at Granger's talking hair.

"And one last message which is for the both of you. Just fuck and get it over with already. I'm a very busy God and I don't have time to watch porn all day. There are sick people to save and angels to ban. So if you could just, not fight it and get it going on. I would be a much happier God. Thank you." The fire promptly dissipated.

Harry was confused. Hermione was pissed. Ron was acting like he was high. Draco…Well, Draco had decided to take Gods message to heart and just get on with it. After all if God said it was supposed to happen who was he to say no. So instead of playing a prank on potter he did what any self respecting horny teenaged Slytherin would do in this kind of situation.

He leaned down next to potters head and whispered into his ear. "Harry" Noticing Harry shiver he licked his ear and nibbled on the tip. After that he stood up strait and stepped back. Harry turned to him and Draco froze. Blushing madly he just decided that it was a coincidence that Harry looked straight at him. After all he was invisible so he couldn't have seen him.

oOo

The rest of the day went smoothly. Sort of. Okay not really, but that is mostly due to the fact that Severus Snape is a bastard with no sex life and decides to take out his frustration on his poor helpless students. So the day did not go as smoothly around his class period but the rest of it was fine.

Harry kept himself busy with work and talking back to teachers and insulting the thing calling itself a professor. So as the day wore on he forgot about what God said, but later on he will remember.

Draco on the other hand was having a hard time of it, and I do not mean figuratively. He was almost as frustrated as his Godfather but for other reasons. All day he was accosted by pink lips, messy black hair, and green eyes. He didn't know how much longer he could hold it in. He just wanted to stand up in the great hall and say "I love you Harry, fuck me now!" but of course Malfoy's aren't supposed to be dramatic. Well, at least they aren't supposed to have dramatic feelings and express them in public.

So the day went smoothly or as smooth as it could. And everyone retired for bed. All was well until midnight came around and everything changed.

oOo

Up in the Griffindor Boy's dormitory the clock ticked over to 12:00 a.m. and a bright sparkly, glittery light erupted from the bed of Harry Potter. After a couple of seconds everything was back to normal and everyone continued sleeping.

oOo

Far, far away up in a place called heaven God was laughing his arse off while eating pop corn and enjoying the entertainment deal he made with Fate.

A/N: I am very, very, very, very, very sorry to all of those people who are as impatient as I am and have been longing for the next chapter of this story. Forgive me, but my humor got pissed at me and decided to run away for a while. And then I had to go out into the world and look for it. But then I came across a one eyed tree who tried to sleep with me, and kept talking really slow. So I was busy trying to write this story for you.

Aslen- I have no clue if this is still funny or not. I just made up stuff. Let me know

Please review if you have fingers. If not then just use your nose or tongue or something. That will do as well. I'm not picky.  Hope yall liked it.


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